I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
