U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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