I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
