Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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