Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
