Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
