Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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