Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
