When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
