my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
