New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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