Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
