before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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