Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
