I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
