there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
