i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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