id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
