I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
