i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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