I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
