I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
