Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What a dumb baby whore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am one with the molecules
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
