guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
