We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's rum buckets o'clock
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
