before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
