Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
