I want to make a zoo with you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
