I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
