I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
