I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
