All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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