Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize