this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
