she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
