The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
