It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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