I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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