It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
