I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I touched a dick in church today
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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