It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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