So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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