I'm lost and stupid without you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
