We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
