Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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