you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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