The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
