Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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