Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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