im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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