Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
