and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
