I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
