I have demons in me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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