ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize