i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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