How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
