Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
