Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
