...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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