I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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