I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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