i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize