So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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