i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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