In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
